HEAVEN – In response to continued assertions by the Westboro Baptist Church of God's will, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ announced that he would be moving up his highly anticipated second coming and get his message out early.
In a press release from the Office of Public Affairs – Heaven, the Alpha and Omega indicated that he's rather disappointed that it's come to this.
"I was hoping to save this second coming for a proper return, with the whole rapture and all that stuff, but these Westboro people have just gone too far," said the Lamb of God. "I mean really, what part of 'love your neighbor as thyself' do these nitwits not understand?"
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